My fear-My love

Dengue fever, two words that i heard and read a lot from people and in newspapers. The calmity its spreading all over the globe is really troublesome for those who are suffering from it. I could not know rather never tried to know its consequences untill it attacked my home to the most nearest person in my life-my wife.On Monday afternoon when she came home for lunch she was shivering but she took it lighly and went back to bank after lunch inspite myself asking her not to go and take rest. In the evening when both of us were home i saw her suffering with fever and took her to doctor. Doctor gave medicines and we returned home. She toook one dose in the night and one early in the morning when she was up for early breakfast due to KARVA CHAUTH VRAT ( women dont eat and even drink water for full day and eat only in the night after looking at moon and they do so for the long life of het husbands). Considering her health i insisted her not to proceed with VRAT but she did not agree and continued with it till in the evening i made her drink water when she saw the moon. She was still having fever. When the fever prolonged for third day we again went to doctor to be adviced for some pathological tests. This test confirmed the dengue fever to my wife and leaving me under great fear due to the fact that this fever is having no medicines and the treatment is just symptomatic. This fever reduces the pallatlets in the blood along with reduction of white blood cells. Till the time of writing this blog she is suffering but thank god her pallatlet count have not fallen low neither they r in safe zone of 150-400, they are hovering at 164 for 1st day 141 on second day and 148 on the third. I am spending sleepless nights for supervising her and ensuring she does not get fever again which has subsided from yesterday with use of paracetamol and multi vitamens - the only medicines allowed in this fever. In this fever one has to avoid other anti- biotic medicines. One has to drink maximum fluid for avoiding dyhydration in the body. One friend made me understand this fever in simple language that this is just boiling of blood in body which warms up the body and reduces pallatlets.Thats why one needs to take more fluid and cool drinks to keep blood cool. In this fever one has to get daily blood tests to monitor pallatlets in the body and to seek medical assistance in case their count falls drastically low.Today is the 6th day my wife is on bed and i am under stress due to fear of the fact that this disease and cos of fact that there is no medical treatment for this fever. A persons immune system has to struggle itself to win over it.Since i cannot imagine a life without my wife as she is a pillar of my and kids life. Without her i cannot imagine anything. I prayed a lot in front of God and still doing it for her well being and i am sure my lord ganesha will make her healthy soon as till date i have not hurt anybody,s feelings and has not done any bad to anyone. At this time 5 in the morning i am still sitting beside her and writing this blog as feel somewat relaxed to see that she is not having fear through out the night. My fear is due to my love for her. We never understand the pain of others till we ourself suffer from it. May god bless all those who are suffering from this fever. I know the ugly part of this fever too if it aggravates but i dont wanna wrtie it now cos it hurts me and i dont wanna imagine it. I may be able to write it, for the knowledge of those who dont know it, afterwards when my wife is fully well. Till then i can only say, drink more water and liquid material to stay healthy.

Broken

Stand up
And clothe myself in
thoughts of you.

It's a brand new day
I turn away.

Your love is far
But I pretend it's near
me.
Close to me.

Another day
I get through
and it's another day

What are they for?

My hopes and dreams
that I refuse to have
Watch them float on a
warm breeze
Maybe they'll come to you

Unwrap them
gently.
Fragile precious growing
but too afraid for showing

Stand up
and clothe yourself in
my dreams

Come O, my good luck
I wanna get blessed
and uplif the left out

Life keeps on going

As a kid got to the school with heavy bags and huge home work to follow.Sneaking time for playing with other kids with glass balls, flying kites, bentens, and hide ans seek, thief -police and the like games.Nothing knew about life, but it still kept going on. As a teenager, alongwith going to school handled the family shop at the age of 12 and going in a low standard school, sitting on jute mattresses and studying and succeeding till matric with a service man father having expectation of succeeding his son in life to share his troubles, life till then again kept on going taking everything in its stride.College was not the difference ,as in hand resources were not ample to see the different aspects of life.But still life did not leave its pace.Then came the university, in search of a career for earning livelihood and coming across the persons, qualified, wagabonds, time spenders , and career concious.Among this crowd i proved to be lucky one to get a good job before completion of my degree. I was feeling in the sky when i was infront of my class mates with a good job to my credit and a desire in their eyes to get one of the like for themselves.At home parents felt their future insured, but life was running on the same wheels.Target was achieved , leaving the aspect ignored that what has been lost out of life till then. The job gave the status, authority , power and sociometry. It also made eligible to get me my beautiful wife who also came to me with a job in her hand to doubly insure our future.Started our married life with all family twists, maintained a good confortable life for self and kids but with full attention to provide insurance to those who were keen to make me capable of this.Some ups and down came which were faced with full conviction and still facing some odds with help from many corners and a burdensome head and some sleepless nights to make this life keep going as usual.
Only difference now and the beginning is that today we wanna push life in the same pace due to complicacies of life and in the beginning it paced through itself without heaving a suggetion or control from us.We feel the pace of life now is slowed down and it was faster when i was kid. It is because that time was free from worries and it seemed to be over quickly and the time of troubles seems to be running slow.But still life is going on at ita normal pace.
sandeep

belief, superstitions and internal week ness

Today the week of navratras has begun. This week is considered to be very auspicious where ever it is celebrated. This week is associated with Hindu Goddess Durga who is believed to have crushed all the evils in her contemporary period. All new works , business, purchasing etc is considered to be good during this weak. This weak culminates with Durga Ashtami followed by Nawami(means nine days). On Durga Ashtami little girls are given KANJAKS( gifts in the shape of Poori & Halwa with some money and bangles) as they are worshipped as a replica of goddess durga.

Today me and my wife woke up early to bring KHETRI (a small container made out of mud, containing some soil mixed with sand and barley seeds are sowed in it) to establish it in the worship place in my house. This is taken care of by my wife through out the week by lighting a pure ghee Jot in front of it. On the day of Ashtami this KHETRI is flourished into sprouts of barley seeds and these sprouts are taken for worship on that day in front of mother Goddess. Blessings are sought for health and wealthy life. I, personally has a strong belief towards this worship. But..........

sometimes i become restless and desperate on this also. I question my self as to why every day and every week is not equally auspicious, as to why we have different beliefs, as to why there are so many superstitions, why we don't always remember god and as to why most of us only pray at the time of adversity and problem and as to why we always keep on desiring one thing or the other from the god whenever we go in front on any idol of one of the gods(though there is one god only). Honestly, i cannot deny the existence of god, (because i am afraid that if i feel so the god will harm me, though he harms none) as every human being has a belief of his existence. We try to draw power from an unknown in the hour of need because all of us have a belief that there is one supernatural power that will save us from any harm. If our problem is solved many of us try to bribe the god even, as a measure of thanks for solving the problem.

and if these are not solved we attribute it to the failure in complying with the superstition that we follow.Slowly and steadily these type of myths become heavy on our day today activities and any small deviations from these make us worried and afraid of facing something unwanted, and if some thing unpleasant happens by chance that myth or superstition is going to last very long. Over the time we become so weak from inside that we are afraid of facing even the normal happenings .to quote an example i want to tell that i am not a believer of gems and stones. But one day when my father was not well, one gemologist told me to wear a MOONGA stone in my finger for his health. As i love my father like many others and for his health i wore this and he became healthy though after treatment. Now i have become a big coward in getting rid of this MOONGA stone from my finger as i am afraid that the health of my father should not deteriorate again.There are two thoughts we come across when someone preach us. One is that no one gets more than his luck and second is that one makes his luck on his own. These are contradictory and i am searching , which one to be followed but for the moment i am trying to the acts which gives maximum satisfaction to me and my conscious says that it is the right thing.Any one who can remove this darkness of mine is solicited
sandeep

woman and power

8th march given to women as their International day, keeping rest 364 days with themselves by the men in this men dominating world. Women , the mother, the sister, a daughter and in all other roles she plays was ever powerful since the beginning of mankind. Rather i should say the society would had been a non entity without a woman. I have always kept a woman in high esteem, may it be my mother , my wife, my sister or my daughter. Indian rajya sabha has passed a bill today for giving reservation to women in politics and therby making women more powerful. In my view its a very good move of Indian Government.
Social evils made the life of women miserable but wherever the women excercised herself knowing her power she was powerful always today or in the past. Rani of Jhansi, Annie Basant, sarojini naidu, Mother Teressa, Margret Thatcher and todays Mayawati are a few examples to quote. Women today has reached the moon and working in all spheres of life efficiently.
When i was a kid i heard my granny uttering" Mal Mal ke nahaiye te Aurat janam kadi na paiye".I asked why she was saying so inspite of being a female herself. Wat she elaborated me was sufficient for me to feel the strength of the woman and her sacrifices. She explained that a woman is brought up since her birth with a view that she is a "praya dhan" and she was not given the liberties equal to male so that she can be protacted from anything untoward which my cause problem in her marriage. Facing so many restrictions, she grows up and on one fine day she is married to a stranger who comes and window dress the things, somtimes, to woo her parents alongwith desiring a dowery to take away their daughter from them. Now comes a crowd of stranger in front of her to fine tune with everybody and face the consequances in case she fails to deal with any one of them. She has to accomodate her hubby , may be good or bad, on bed or otherwise besides taking care of all the responsibilities at home towards everybody. Then she brings into life the new lives with nurturing them with her blood and milk. The roles in her life keeps on changing very drastically and she has to make herself so elastic to fit in every role because any failure in any role would harm her belongings.
Nature too has given the woman more tolrance and even more strength to face odds.She is happier when her beloved r happy and feels more pain for any pain to them. In different religions she has different rights but the behaviour of men towards them remains the same.Mostly everywhere a man like to have the closeness of everyother female without any steadfastness towards a single female whereas she remains sincere to her love.
Imagine the social rituals like going by female to the house of male after marriage is reversed, will everything remain the same for female. i feel no it will not. It will make an amusing situation for men because they wont be able to scold her in front of his inlaws. Now she will feel herself at home and it will give her strength in front of her blood relations. will it ever be allowed to happen in this society of men. i know it can never be a reality because it is anti-male.
western societies has already given sufficient rights and privilleges to female and in Indian i am happy that the steps like right to property and other legal rights being given to women will make her more powerful. That day, everybody will be happy, when there is no scream of woment due to dowery death, eve teasing or ill behaviour of the "crowd of strangers".
sandeep

Today is Sunday and Iwas relaxing a lill bit as I had to go to office somwat late. surprised.......yes
sunday is my working day . I njoy my off on saturday. So i started watching a movie on Zee trends. The movie "Eight Below" compelled me to be in my bed even when i was worried getting late for the office.This movie was about a sledge dog operator in Antarctica and his eight steadfast dogs.The genius of dogs and the affection of their masters towards them was the mean theme of the movie. The most touching part of the movie is when the expedition has to be evacuated in emergency with dogs staying back there alone without their master.Though the master expects to return within a couple of days but a wild storm and change of season keeps all the humans away from the site .To add to the agony , the dogs are fastened before leaving by them and they start feeling starving after a few days. They all struggle open their chains but not without loosing one of their colleagues in this survival effort."The trouble" as it comes for them makes me more curious to see how they struggle to induce energy in me to face my troubles. it was astonished to see their survival without the master for 175 days, preying on the flocks of birds with the marvellous modus operandi worth seeing itself. on the otherside the master also remains restless and approaches all the authorities for help in rescuing his lill ones, but alas no one , even the scientist who was twice saved by the help of these dogs, advices him to be practical and advice him to leave the dogs to their fate. Here again the power of love and faith comes in picture when his beloved , also a colleague of his and a well trained piolet offers him her help apart from using this opportunity to express her love for him. Ashamed on this the saved sceintist and the other friend of the master also accompany them with their resources and finally the "eight below"(seven as one dies, and life keeps on going without caring anyone) are rescued with their eyes still happy to see their masters without any iota of displeasure for him (as they must be having a faith that their master cannot leave them in a stray). The scene when the dogs hug their masters cannot depict less njoy ment that a boy feels with lady of his choice. One thing i again believed forsure that the happiness coming in routine is never njoyed by anybody but the most delicious happiness is when it comes after the struggle with troubles.
sandeep(sandy)

my 1st post

Om Ganeshaye namah is my mool mantra to begin everything in my life. This was based much on belief rather than any other miraculous experience. I feel that i enjoy a good life today just because i seek help from Ganesha. I never felt myself having a calliber exrtraordinary and mostly felt myself to be weak person as i am very emotional and cannot see any sorrows of others. i faced a lot of troubles in my life but with the blessing of lord Ganesha every trouble was over itself. At present i am suffering a trouble on account of my brother who has gone in a bad company and because of which lost so much money that gave trouble to my parents and in turn to all of us.But i believe in lord and feel this will be also a short lived and my brother will live a good life in the future to come thereby making all of us happy again.this is my 1st post in this blog and hope u all will encourage me to enter this word of blogging. I was inspired to blogging by one female who once travelled from our country and i being a customs official cleared her and she remained in touch with me through blogging. She is so intelligent and mature female and i was not able to stop myself from following her on her blogs. i am learning a lot from her. Though i love and like my wife the most in my life and dont feel anyone superior to her but that female gave me a new view to share the feelings with some unknown friends on the blog. I feel it will give me a motive and also words of inspirations from friends to face the troubles in addition to the ever blessings of Lord Ganesha.
sandeep