belief, superstitions and internal week ness

Today the week of navratras has begun. This week is considered to be very auspicious where ever it is celebrated. This week is associated with Hindu Goddess Durga who is believed to have crushed all the evils in her contemporary period. All new works , business, purchasing etc is considered to be good during this weak. This weak culminates with Durga Ashtami followed by Nawami(means nine days). On Durga Ashtami little girls are given KANJAKS( gifts in the shape of Poori & Halwa with some money and bangles) as they are worshipped as a replica of goddess durga.

Today me and my wife woke up early to bring KHETRI (a small container made out of mud, containing some soil mixed with sand and barley seeds are sowed in it) to establish it in the worship place in my house. This is taken care of by my wife through out the week by lighting a pure ghee Jot in front of it. On the day of Ashtami this KHETRI is flourished into sprouts of barley seeds and these sprouts are taken for worship on that day in front of mother Goddess. Blessings are sought for health and wealthy life. I, personally has a strong belief towards this worship. But..........

sometimes i become restless and desperate on this also. I question my self as to why every day and every week is not equally auspicious, as to why we have different beliefs, as to why there are so many superstitions, why we don't always remember god and as to why most of us only pray at the time of adversity and problem and as to why we always keep on desiring one thing or the other from the god whenever we go in front on any idol of one of the gods(though there is one god only). Honestly, i cannot deny the existence of god, (because i am afraid that if i feel so the god will harm me, though he harms none) as every human being has a belief of his existence. We try to draw power from an unknown in the hour of need because all of us have a belief that there is one supernatural power that will save us from any harm. If our problem is solved many of us try to bribe the god even, as a measure of thanks for solving the problem.

and if these are not solved we attribute it to the failure in complying with the superstition that we follow.Slowly and steadily these type of myths become heavy on our day today activities and any small deviations from these make us worried and afraid of facing something unwanted, and if some thing unpleasant happens by chance that myth or superstition is going to last very long. Over the time we become so weak from inside that we are afraid of facing even the normal happenings .to quote an example i want to tell that i am not a believer of gems and stones. But one day when my father was not well, one gemologist told me to wear a MOONGA stone in my finger for his health. As i love my father like many others and for his health i wore this and he became healthy though after treatment. Now i have become a big coward in getting rid of this MOONGA stone from my finger as i am afraid that the health of my father should not deteriorate again.There are two thoughts we come across when someone preach us. One is that no one gets more than his luck and second is that one makes his luck on his own. These are contradictory and i am searching , which one to be followed but for the moment i am trying to the acts which gives maximum satisfaction to me and my conscious says that it is the right thing.Any one who can remove this darkness of mine is solicited
sandeep